Friday 16 June 2017

Bagsy being Mark Harber!

Last Bank Holiday Monday I went running in the Brecon Beacons and pretended to be a runner in the Dragon’s Back Race.

Running up a mountain!
You know, when you were a kid, and you pretended to be your favourite football player when you were on the park with your mates kicking a ball about#?  Like that, except I was being one of the runners from this epic endurance race.  Granted it was only a few of the mountains in Brecon, and I only covered what would equate to a fraction of the distance from one stage of the race, but even so, as I ran along the ridges, through fields (chatting to the sheep on the way), up steep paths and then back down them with a map in my hand, I felt epic!  I felt like I was taking part in that race and winning it##!!

OK, so why am I telling you this?

Well, this little run was my first real venture off road on a run by myself.  Normally, I’m a tarmac type runner, at my most adventurous maybe run around a country park on nice, well maintained footpaths, with help a few yards away. 

But lately I’ve started feeling, well, a bit different about myself and my running. 

Some of you may be aware that I picked up an injury last year that prevented me from running.  At the time I had been trying to train for the Robin Hood Marathon (yes, yes it was another stress fracture.  Yes, I know I got a stress fracture the last time I was training for the Robin Hood Marathon.  No, it wasn’t the same leg) and had been increasing my mileage steadily over the weeks.  But it was still a struggle.  All the typical runners thoughts and excuses going through my head all the time, sometimes dreading going out, and skipping the odd session……we’ve all done it, and we all complain about it, so I just accepted it as normal.  And as a result I was still thinking that finally completing a marathon was about the pinnacle of my distance running.  Which had always been the plan.  Run Robin Hood Marathon and then maybe a few others, collect the medals, make a nice display of them, feel good inside!

 I mean why would you want to run any further?  And how would you train to run any further?

I was quite content with this little goal.  I mean not many people run a marathon in their lifetime and it wasn’t like I wasn’t going to keep running afterwards, so it seemed OK.  Then a couple of things happened that made me shift how I think about myself and running.  I know I always go on about how people inspire and motivate me, but it’s pretty hard, and very unfair, not to.  So, I always try to acknowledge that I am who I am because of the people I have met, and interacted with.  Because of how I’ve been brought up, and the experiences I have had. 

And this change is no different.

I’ve never been that adventurous.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to think about going on adventures and doing exciting, daring things.  But the reality is I’d end up thinking about the possible consequences, what people would think, being too worried to take a risk…..basically, anything I did think of would become a pipe dream.  Then someone I know, a lady by the name of Sophie Rooney, said that she had a challenge planned that was pretty big and exciting.  She was going to be the 1st woman to run the length of Scandinavia.  With all her stuff on her back (all the details of her adventure can be found https://daringmightythings.wordpress.com/author/thesophierooney/ ).  I was in awe.  Not only was she talking about running a huge distance, day after day, but it was carrying all her kit, navigating herself and sourcing anything she needed while she was out there###.  I followed her progress, as many others did, I pledged some money to help support such an amazing adventure (and a bit more when she nearly killed herself without realising it!!) and I felt inspired.  Inspired with a want to be able to do something as awesome as this.  I mean how amazing was what she was doing?  How exhilarating would it be to complete such an amazing feat?

And that’s what sat in my head as I went back to work every day and got on with, well, nothing at the time as I was injured still!  I mean, come on, even if I was able to do something like that, what would I do?

Then the next thing happened (please bear in mind that these things I talk about, in this blog and any other, don’t always happen linearly.  In fact I can’t always remember when things happen in relation to each other because it just becomes one big thing in my head!  And you don’t want to go delving in there!!!).

I went camping in North Wales.  I’d only ever been to North Wales when I was in primary school, and when it was suggested that I go camping there, I thought it was a great idea.  Now, I don’t know if you are aware, but there is an official Welsh Coastal Path.  Now, I used to* rant about how much money the Welsh Assembly had spent on it, so I insisted that, while there, I wanted to walk some of it to at least utilise what the money had been spent on!  It was while walking on some of the paths that I thought “How cool would it be to walk the whole Coastal Path?”. Yes, that would be cool!  Then, out of nowhere, Sophie’s voice pops into my head (to clarify, she wasn’t actually there, it was just her voice in amongst all the other ones in my head!) shouting “Walk?  Walk it?  Suck it up man and Run it!”!  And that was the next thing that happened. 

Why not run the Welsh Coastal Path? 

So I did a bit of research and found that it is 870 miles.  So a quick calculation, using 20 miles a day as a guide, and I worked out that it would take 44 days.  Oh.  That’s a long time.  OK, OK, how about if I were to do it in week or 2 week chunks over the course of a year or two?  That would be good.  And still have the sense of achievement.  And there it was.  Planted firmly in my head.  A manageable adventure, of sorts.

My left shin after flare up
So I did some research about it, I carried on going to the hospital to see my physio about my leg, I started climbing again, and worked on the bits of me that weren’t broken.  And that’s where it all sat for a while.  Some things happened, I took a few steps back, and the excitement of a potential adventure that I might actually do, started to fade.

I got the all clear to run again in January 2017, and resolved to take my time and ease myself back into it properly.  I had deferred my entry to the Robin Hood Marathon and had that as my goal in September.  Plenty of time.  Then I had a flare up after 3 or 4 weeks of walk/running.  I was gutted.  Really gutted.  Luckily, my physio got me in to see a consultant, I got checked over (seemed to be a soft tissue reaction to me starting training again), he scheduled me for an MRI to finally find out why I have had stress fractures, and I rested for a bit. 

And then the next thing happened.  I had a chance meeting with an amazing woman called Nicola Love.  She ran a lot.  She also knew a lot about running.  She’d also been on quite a few adventures.  And was planning some more.  The things she had done amazed me.  The things she was going to do, amazed me.  The way she spoke about them was in a way that I hadn’t really heard a runner talk about things before.  The more I listened to her the more inspired I was.  And she listened back.  She listened to me when I mentioned, rather coyly, my idea for, what seemed by this time, my rather lame adventure.  And she smiled and told me how awesome that sounded and made me feel excited about it again!  I told her that I was planning on doing it in stages as I couldn’t do it all in one go.

And then she asked me why not?

And that was that.  The change started to happen in full force.  Why not?  Such a simple question and I always had answers for it.  Aside from what I talked about in my last post (100% Midlife Crisis) I could always back it up with reasons.  So while the question itself wasn’t new, it was how I thought about it that changed.  The way Nicola made me feel and think somehow allowed me to still ask myself the questions, but view the answers from a different way!  And it came crashing in on me like an avalanche!

Everything I’d thought about running started to change over the course of a week or so.  I started back walk/running again and felt invigorated.  I thought about how my body felt in a different way.  I addressed any pain differently.  The excuses started to stop.  Every event I saw or read about suddenly looked like something I thought I could eventually do.  I wanted to run.  Wanted to.  Not “oh I’d better go out as I need to run if I want to do <INSERT RUNNING EVENT HERE>”.  Wanted to.  And suddenly I felt I wasn’t training for an event, I was training to run.  Just run.  Nothing specific. 

And I was loving it!

(Can I just spend a second to provide a bit of a “reign it in there Sharif” note here: At this stage I was only just back from injury, and I still am effectively, so please don’t think I’m out running dozens of miles every day!  I’m just trying to explain how the shift in my thought process happened and how big a shift this was for me.  You’ll all find out soon enough if this continues, as I am pretty sure it will, as I have a few things coming up to tell you about!)

I started to listen to my body.  I ran the Spring Wolf Run**.  Then a 5 mile race, with the intention of walking every other mile.  I ran the whole way because I felt great.  I started running regularly with no adverse effect.  I was running with a smile on my face as well.  Then I completed the Dirty Weekend***.  Then another 5 mile race.  Then my 1st real off road run in the Peak District****.  I just kept going.  All the time listening to my body.  Making sure everything was in check, being sensible but pushing myself.  And that is something that is important for me to stress.  I was, and am, being sensible.  I know the issues I have had and I have no intention of rediscovering them, or new ones.  I have things planned (yes, I know I keep saying this, but you will find out, I promise) so do not want to put myself in a position where I can’t do them.

And that brings us nicely back to me pretending to be a Dragons Back Runner on the last Bank Holiday in May.

You see this wasn’t the sort of thing I’d normally do.  And certainly not on my own.  I mean, I was running up and down mountains, breathing hard, sweating, aching, hurting, knowing that I had to finish the whole 11 miles in order to get back to my car, making sure I wasn’t getting lost, avoiding attack sheep and killer cows+, not falling off the edges of mountains….I honestly don’t think I’d have ever done this before++.  I was enjoying myself.  I wasn’t making excuses.  I barely touched the food I’d brought (my backpack was packed very sensibly to cover several eventualities!!).  I wasn’t complaining.  I just kept going.  It felt, well, normal!  Then at some point about 7 miles in, as I ran along a ridge after ascending a stupidly steep slope, I had a moment where I realised everything had changed.  All the stuff I’ve mentioned above?  That’s what I realised.  I was pushing myself further than I had before and not questioning it.  I think I felt, for the first time, that I was leaving everything out there+++.

When I finished I felt pretty awesome.  Sweaty, hot and tired, but fricking awesome!  So, what I’m trying to say, I think (I’ve done that thing again where I can’t remember where I had originally intended going with this post and ended up, well, possibly where I wanted to be but maybe not!!), is that I’m enjoying running.  I would say “again”, but I think this is another level and not the same as when I used to enjoy it.  I’m also thinking differently about what I can do and what I can achieve.  I’m pushing myself, safely, past where I was before.  I feel great.  I feel energised.  And I really hope I can help inspire and motivate others as well J

Oh, wait!  One more thing.  Mark Harber.  You’re probably wondering why I was pretending to be him!  He’s a pretty awesome runner who loves adventure and raises a lot of money for charity.  So, why not have him as my adventure role model!! And, who knows, I may bump into him at the start of a race one day…. https://youtu.be/g8ouB83hXz4

#Well, I didn’t really.  I got to be Neville Southall or Bruce Grobbelaar, or some other keeper because I was rubbish at football so always got stuck in goal!!

##Just like when “Ian Rush” would step up to take a penalty against me, “Neville Southall”, in the last minute of the “FA Cup final” and I would save it and feel the adoration of the fans and team mates… (OK fact of the matter is I never saved them but that’s what I imagined it would feel like!!!)

### I should add here that Sophie is one of those annoying people who is amazing, like elite amazing, at a particular sport [in this case kayaking], but then is also amazing, like life goal amazing for us normal folk, at any other sport she tries!  I think she still tries to maintain that she isn’t a runner...Twitter: @THEsophierooney Instagram: sophie.rooney

*I say “used to” because I do admit I may have said some derogatory things about the Welsh Assembly with regard to their money spending on the Coastal Path.  However, I now think it may have been pretty good money spent to make it more of a thing.  This does not mean that I am retracting all the other derogatory things I’ve said about the Assembly (or failed MPs and trumped up councillors as I see them)
Spring Wolf Run

** I’d booked this when I thought I’d be fit.  I wasn’t going to miss it!  The Pack put up with me and my walk jogging…and wearing a Baywatch outfit probably helped, as people clearly thought I wasn’t being serious!
Dirty Weekend 2017

***20 miles and 200 obstacles.  Yeah, that’s what I thought when I got duped into signing up to it last year!  I didn’t mention it to my consultant the week before the event.  I don’t think he’d have thought it was “taking it easy”.  I had an amazing time and was very pleased with myself when I finished it.  Can’t wait until bigger things next year J

****I was lucky enough to be taken to the Peak District and run ragged around some fields, and up some hills, in all sorts of weather for about 15 miles.  And then the next day around Carsington Water for 8 miles.  Need to learn to double up my long days, she said.  You’ll be fine, she said.  You’ll love it, she said.  She was right about everything.
Peak District, with Killer Cows in background

+I think I need to explain my reference to killer cows.  Picture the scene.  A beautiful field in the Peak District, some cows lazily chewing the cud.  Two runners and a dog slowly enter the field.  Said cows turn to face the new arrivals and slowly make a move towards them.  The fearless leader of the group insists on going into the next field, running out of their way and trying to jump a barbed wire fence all in order to avoid the killer cows, who got shooed off by a bunch of DofE walkers!!! (FYI – I wasn’t the leader of the group!!)



++ And I am very sure I wouldn’t have ever done this, or thought about doing the things I plan on doing in the future, if I hadn’t met Nicola.  She really is an inspiration.  And not just to me.  It’s what she does, whether she means to or not.  Her attitude, her actions, her enthusiasm, her drive will not fail to motivate you.  She really is an amazing woman and if you want to be inspired by what she does check out her social media outlets.  And keep an eye out for her next adventure #63in63.  And if you want to run a marathon, I suggest you pick up her book, “Chasing Extraordinary” that is being released very soon.
Instagram: nikkilovefitlife
Strava: Nikki Love

+++Also in that moment, I made a voice recording.  I was a bit emotional.  Hey, I was tired and having some sort of epiphany!  Anyway, I haven’t actually listened to it.  And don’t think I will.  Or let anyone else listen to it.  Think there were some words to back up what I’ve said in ++ and don’t want to cause embarrassment to anyone!!

Monday 29 May 2017

100% midlife crisis

Pre-blog Blurb
This blog spiralled out of control, so apologises for that!  I thought it would be straight forward but then I started writing, and one thing led to another, and before I knew it…well, I’d written more than I had expected and I’m not sure it makes sense or even answers my original reason for the post.  So, hope it’s not too bad and you manage to get through it without drifting off!!  Have a read and, if you feel the need, let me know what you think.
                                
The other day I asked my eldest daughter, who is 18, if she could do me a logo for something I’m planning on doing (she’s an art student.  Well was.  But she is very talented even if she got bored of her course and didn’t finish the whole thing...sorry, digressing…).

“You’re not planning on running through the Himalayas or something are you Dad?” was her reply.  “It is, isn’t it?  You’re running up a mountain?  God Dad, this is so 100% a midlife crisis!”

She wasn’t far off the reason for the logo (but you’ll find out more about that soon, if you are interested!), but that’s not the reason for this post.  What she had said really hit me quite hard.  Probably worse because it came from her, but it sort of reinforced something that has often stopped me doing things.

What other people think.

I’ve always wanted to better myself, improve the things I can do, learn new things, take on personal challenges (total side point, but that phrase “personal challenge” always makes me laugh!  Check out Geraint Pillock and his coracle J), but often I’ve stopped myself because I’ve thought about what other people might say, or think.  You know like “well that’s ridiculous”, or “why would you want to do that?”, or “you’ll never be able to do that!”*.  Don’t’ get me wrong there has also been circumstantial reasons that meant I couldn’t go off running, or learning new stuff, such as having young children and a lack of funds (please do NOT think for a second I’m blaming having kids for stopping me learning and doing stuff!  I’m just putting that there so that some context might be had for later), but even with those I still worried about what people would say.

Let me give you an example.  Since my youngest daughter was about 7 or 8 I’ve been trying to get her to try new things in order for her to see if she liked them and to learn new skills**.  One of them was rollerblading.  I’m not going to lie, I wanted to learn how to rollerblade, not for any particular reason other than to be able to do it.  I’d never done anything like that, such as skateboarding, as a kid because I didn’t want people to see me trying and pointing and saying how stupid I looked or that I’d never be able to do it (this concern about what people think about me doing stuff has always been with me).  But when I would tell people I got reactions that would make me not tell people.  And when I went out with my daughter I was quite shy about it and made sure we were doing it out of the way.  As a result, I only half-heartedly tried it and never really got past having a few goes.

My point is, I think, that I’ve always wanted to do stuff.  No matter how old I was.  But always felt people would say something or judge me, or something.  And being told that someone thinks it’s due to a midlife crisis is just another thing.  But I’m not willing to let it stop me do anything.

So why have I seemingly started to do things now? 

Well, firstly, I guess people have noticed me doing more now, so it probably seems like I’m suddenly doing more stuff when in actual fact I’m not really. 
Secondly, there has been a change in the way I think about things, and now I believe in myself and my abilities more than I used to***. 
Thirdly, there are opportunities to do things.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s mainly running around or up things, and jumping over things, and crawling through things, but I have the chance to do things now.  And I know, well I don’t know at all I’m just assuming, that some people will say that it’s because I left my family and so don’t have those responsibilities**** but it’s not.  I think everyone finds that as their kids get older they get more time to themselves, and I found that even before my separation. 
And finally, events and information have become more accessible to do.  Running events are everywhere now, the internet has a wealth of courses and guides for you to learn from, and social and mainstream media has changed so you know what people are doing all over the world as it happens, bringing inspiration and ideas to you in abundance.

So, bringing me back to why the “100% midlife crisis” comment bothered me…nothing has changed in me about wanting to do things, so for people to think that I’m doing these things due to my age does upset me a bit, and makes me question doing them.  However, I could actually deal with people thinking this about me. 

The main reason that the comment really bothered me, and why I wanted to write this and bore you with my thoughts, was because it came from my daughter.  I want my children to be inspired by me and be proud of me.  Proud that I’m their Dad.  That they have a Dad who wants to push himself, who wants to try and inspire them.  A Dad that they can do things with.  A Dad that they talk about the things he’s done with pride.  So it hurt a bit to think that they may think that the things I do are down to a midlife crisis.

So, I just wanted to say that, basically, I do stuff now (or want to do stuff) not because I’m panicking about getting old and having a midlife crisis.  I do it because I can now.  Because I believe I can.  Because I want to.  And in the hope that I can inspire others to push themselves as well, especially my daughters.


*there is another one that I’m already thinking that people will say to me in the near future that goes along the lines of “rather than paying that to do it and raise money for charity, why don’t you just donate the money directly to the charity?”.  It’s something I’m trying not to think about and I’m hoping writing this blog post will help me get past it
**after many years, and quite a few different activities, I finally stumbled on an activity that my youngest daughter enjoys, has thrown herself at, and, whether she will admit it or not, is becoming very good at.  What is it?  Climbing. J
***this has been because of the people I have met over the years, seeing people push themselves, being inspired by people

****I’m not going to lie, I am very conscious of what people may think about what I write here, and  on other social media outlets, because I have separated from my wife.  I don’t want people to think I’m gloating in some way about it, or implying I have a “newfound freedom” or something.  Because I’m not.  I’m just trying to write about how I feel about something at the time, and I certainly do not want to cause anyone to think otherwise